Kriss’ Journal

Well, well…

After the scare of my husband’s “stroke or not stroke we don’t know what the hell it was so sorry moment” I went to my dr. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t stressed. Other than the famous baby moments previously mentioned. That granddaughter of mine is pure bliss. But one can’t rely on baby visits to be happy.

So anyways. Surprise. Paxil. Anti-depressants. Bloodwork to check my hormone levels. Yep.

Don’t get me wrong. I was on welbutrin many moons ago so been there, done that. But I don’t know….maybe I am meant to be lonely, live like a hermit and seclude myself more and more. Works for my dad, doesn’t it?

Just rambling. It’s late and I have my usual bout of insomnia. My husband is getting up at 5 a.m. to leave for a few days. Montana beckons in the name of a funeral. 5 years older than us. Eric was a survivor of cancer and goes in for a surgery and his heart gives out.  My husband and Eric’s buddies are driving in a couple of vans to pay their respects.

Garage Sales

Shhhh…… Don’t tell anyone but I hate them. I do.

I go to get my kids some things. This Saturday we bought my granddaughter a play house. One of those who-knows-what-maybe-Little-Tykes things….for fifty bucks!

BUT. I hate the whole thing. Getting in and out of the car and perusing through people’s items and listening to people offer less. What? You want a quarter for this? Will you take a dime? Yeah, before you say anything…I get it. My mom is the world’s biggest garage sale person.

And I hate having them for the same reason. I will let you have it for a penny. Just ask. But I would rather you wouldn’t because it is awful enough to sit here and watch people’s faces as they go through my stuff. Ugh.

But my daughter asks me to go with her and so I go. You know, one of those things you just do as a mom.

Was it a stroke? Or not?

I spent several hours the day before Mother’s day in the E.R. My husband had woke up with half his side feeling numb. By the time he got a return phone call from his dr, went to the care center who referred him to the E.R. , most of the day was gone. I kept myself calm by not accepting or thinking about it. Like it wasn’t real. They gave him an EKG, took blood and even xrayed his head in this big scary machine. They wanted to keep him overnight and he refused. So we started him on an aspirin a day, have papers for him to take to his dr., and signed a paper about it being against the dr’s orders.

STILL I can’t deal with it. They said his heartbeat was slow, they said I should be worried “a little” and it could be something like MS, a stroke, a mini stroke, a precurser to a stroke, something called a TIA.

He is my life. I don’t know what to do. What if they decide it was one? What does that mean? What do we do?

I will possess your heart

Anyone heard that Death Cab for Cutie song?  Talk about running through my brain. THREE days straight now. First I heard it on The End and it is stuck in my head. I found it and put it on my MySpace page and it is over 8 minutes long…….

I was talking about music with my 13-year-old. I like just about all kinds of music and don’t like to define myself by one genre. I am not about rock, alternative or punk though I like them all.  I thought I didn’t like country but found myself enamored with the Dixie Chicks. I told my daughter that if she could learn something from me it was to stay open to the many forms of music. I am 48 and still loving new bands and yeah, I went to Tool last year and loved it.

We watched “Amadeus” last night and I was in awe at how much he was pushing the limits of his time. Thank God we have these talents over the years, each trying to change and redefine what we listen to.